Tuesday, July 29, 2003
Well, let's see....I lost my karaoke virginity this evening. My friends maintain that I did a fabulous job, but I harbor my doubts. The adrenaline was pretty intense, which was cool.
I'm in a funk tonight for no apparent reason. There are just some aspects of my life that are not as I would prefer them to be. It eats me up because I can't figure out for the life of me how to change things. To take the steps required, would alter my life far too much to be feesible. What to do, what to do? I wish that I fuckin' knew. Ah, it'll all work out in time, which is something that I never have enough of. I wish that at opportune moments for me to say the things that must be said that I could just open my mouth and have the words spring forth. Unfortunately, I am far too timid for such a feat.
Fuck it.
By the way, I fuckin' hate italics. Why do I insist on using them?
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 4:27 AM;
Saturday, July 26, 2003
I've been thinking a lot today (Which I realize is always a hazard). I was in the car today with a good friend, and I looked out over the lake as we crossed the bridge, and I said to ChristoCarto very matter of fact like, "I would love to be standing on that bridge in about thirty minutes." He concurred that that would indeed be most fabulous. The sun was just beginning to set and the blazing sun was reflecting off the water in the still daylight sky. It was breath-taking. There has been much reflection today, as it was a day filled with reminders of birth as well as death. In that moment on that bridge it became clear just how fortunate I have been thus far in my life. I have experienced much love in my life and I am ever grateful for those experiences. Not just romantic love, but those tend to be the ones that really change us. I have loved with passion that is indescribable and that is worth more than I had imagined. I have been loved with that same passion, and although it was fleeting, I wouldn't change a thing. Mistakes have been made, some that I tend to be ashamed of and some that I would damn near boast about if given the chance, but everything falls together. The pains and the hurts and the heartbreak have all forged together to make me the person I am today. Some days I love that person, and even as conceited as I tend to be, some days I hate this girl I see in the mirror. But, those days grow fewer the older I get. I've always talked about that one thing that we wait our entire lives for, and what is it that we do with it when we find it. I think I finally get that it's always there, that we just have to see it and grab it. I realized today that those blazing sunsets that I claim to love really are what it's all about. I want to take the time to take pleasure in the beauty around me. I wish that I could share with the people in my life exactly how it is that they've shaped my being, and just how much they mean to me, but I seem to have trouble with that. To the few of you that I see in life, but you also silently meander in and out of my little corner here.....I love you all. You have molded some part of my soul. You are all in my heart.It's been a strange day, but a good day on some level.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 2:53 AM;
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
I love a good indie flick, I do. But, I have to admit that I'm a whore for a good summer blockbuster, high budget, ridiculously action packed movie. Last night I had the pleasure of seeing The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, it rocked! Oh yes, it was great. MyBaby's DaddyShane West is fabulous in it. It goes without saying that Sean Connerry was great too. Thursday, I will be seeing another summer blockbuster film. I'm a little more skeptical about this one, but if nothing else, the special effects should be awesome. Oh yes, none other than Pirates of the Carribean. Ya know, even if it sucks, it's gonna be a "hot boy fest!" HEY! Back off! I am a fuckin' girl after all. Gimme a break!I found that my favorite person to see movies in the theater with is my friend Jade-Lo. She talks just as much as I do. We had our own little commentary going during League. It was really funny because we were the only people who even reacted to anything in the film. There are some quite humorous parts and we were the only ones that laughed...we were the only ones that gasped at the appropriate moments or "ahhhed" or "oooohed". What the fuck is wrong with these crazy bastards at the movies?
As I write, the Barenaked Ladies are playing on Saturday Night Live. They rock.
One of my favorite bands playing on one of my favorite shows.....
It's a GOOD day!
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 4:02 PM;
Monday, July 07, 2003
I will never love another as much as I love you.
That is so unfair.
You have already loved others more than you love me and will again.
I just couldn't be enough for you.
I want to share my life with someone.
I feel like I'm at a dead end slamming my heart into a brick wall.
A new beginning is what I have to find.Men are such pig fuckers.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 10:55 PM;