Have words, will babble.

  Friday, January 31, 2003

Here we are kiddios! I am drunk ot the seventh power and it's rough! I have partaken of approximately 10-12 shots and I'm having trouble with backspace and typing. If I miss a typo...sorry. ChristoCarot ius here and taking care of the masses. I must go regrettably!
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 1:13 AM;

  Thursday, January 30, 2003

Alright alright! I'm up to shot number, approximately, 7. My dear ChristoCarto and Noodle and J-Law are almost here. There have been a couple of arrivals since my last post. Ryan Boytano arrived a little while ago. I think I will partake of another shot shortly. Have a great night kids, and I'll be back momentarily!
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 11:54 PM;

Ok kids! I've had four shots thus far and the fun debauchery is just beginning. I am almost certain that I mispelled debauchery, but what the hell! We listened to Mr. Bigg during shots 3 and 4...Good Times! All my peoples are on their respective ways over, but I will keep you posted as the drunkeness progresses!
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 10:15 PM;

I got a fifth of tequila and a bag of limes in my trunk. I'm ready to partake! There will be much merry-making this evening. There may just even be a few intoxicated posts later! I'm bursting with fruit flavor!
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 7:14 PM;

I have been pondering my past and the paths that I have chosen along the way. Largely in part to my Dearest Jett, we had a chat and it got me thinking. I remember my first semester of college vividly. I had never left home before, so this was an enormous adventure. I still remember the faint smell of new, ivory colored paint on the walls of my dorm room. The day that I met my room-mate, my mom had gone to campus with me. I never imagined that this might seem strange to my new roomie. She still maintains to this day that she was just biding her time until there was a single available. But, alas, she got to know me and my mom and decided we were definately meant to share that tiny room. She was a junior and a couple of months away from legal drinking age, so we were the coolest chicks among the other freshmen. I thought that I was eighteen and an adult, but I later realized that I was eighteen and still a child in a woman's body. I learned to drink beer and to draw a little better than before, in that semester. At least for a few years that's all I thought that I had learned. Looking back now, I see so many things. I flunked out of college that semester, but I learned so much more than I could have learned from a book or in a lecture hall. I got my first taste of what I thought was love. At eighteen, it's always love. I met him and he was everything that I had been missing, or so I thought. We were the token couple in our group of friends. They all said that we would be the ones to make it work. That boy fucking worshipped me in the beginning and I think that I've mentioned how much I dig that. At the ripe, old age of eighteen, I lost my virginity in a haze of vodka, sugar, and lemons....Good Times! I don't regret the way that it went down, it's how I wanted it. It's funny looking back now, I should've known things were not quite right, but when you love someone that much, your blinded. My family worried themselves sick over my well-being when we moved in together. My mother just sighed heavily when I mentioned marrying the shithead, but I told them they were overreacting. In the end it ended badly, which was predictable to say the least. I had to pack my bags and move back in with "Mama". It was a lesson in humility.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 3:30 AM;

  Monday, January 27, 2003

Oh yeah! Just an update kids. I got a part in the show.

Good Times!
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 3:53 AM;

I like to think of myself as a "well traveled, cultured" gal. I'm even delusional enough to believe that I have, by the skin of my teeth, avoided picking up any of the redneck-esque habits of my loved ones. This is, of course, absolutely not the case. I have picked up some of those things that drive me batty. The most obvious, my token southern "twang". I hate it, but I'm trying to learn to embrace it. I guess that deep down I'm a country girl with too many fucked up ideas to survive in the "bible belt".

I was given the opportunity to go to Italy in the spring of my eighteenth year. It was the trip of a lifetime for someone like me. I'm a self proclaimed lover of art and beauty. I was in awe in Europe. I stepped into the Sistine Chapel and it took my breath away. I'll never be the same after that trip. After that, I was skeptical that I would ever see anything that could compare to the beauty that I saw there. Then, in the following summer I went to New York City. I had been through the city on the "long haul" with my dad, but never as a tourist. I had never realized how much I had talked about New York until I returned. Everyone in my circle of people were shocked. They all said, "you came back home?" To which I replied, "uh, yeah." It seems that everyone had assumed that I would stay if given the chance. Of course I would have, but the chance didn't arise. My mother had said this to everyone in her proud, but wounded voice. As much as I have learned about life in this small town, it has never really been home. Most days I feel a bit like a caged animal. My friends in high school always asked what was wrong with me because I listened to showtunes and artists that actually took pen to paper and wrote their own lyrics. I loved them, but they never really got me. They still don't. There is nowhere on the planet that I can imagine myself being other than New York. I felt safer in the streets of New York City at 1am than I do in my small town neighborhood. My mother claims to have known that I was meant for bigger things when I was 5. She recalls the day she heard the rumbling of my little voice accepting an award and thanking everyone I had ever met by name. If commercial break music had erupted from the heavens I think she would have died on the spot. Fortunately, they did not. I may never be famous and I may never get any awards, but I'm going to live my life so that I will, hopefully, not look back and wonder what could've happened. I have already wasted so very much time.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 3:40 AM;

  Saturday, January 25, 2003

Have you ever watched someone sleep. Just for the sheer joy that it brings you. Those moments are some of life's best, ya know. When you care so deeply for another human being that their sleep is art to your insomnia. There was a night when I caught sight of the man that I had hoped to spend the rest of my life with, in the midst of a dream. He flailed his arms and spoke in riddles, but it was peaceful at the same time. His face carried a beauty I had visited many times before, but it suddenly became clear that I was staring at the resting head of my soul-mate. He was always the most beautiful man I had ever laid eyes on...to me, but in that moment, more so than ever. I sat there, while he slept, and I wept. I told his resting ears all the things in my heart, that were too painful to say aloud. I told him how I felt about him and that I was sorry I couldn't speak these things in the waking hours. Of course, he never heard my ramblings. How is it possible to show someone that they are your world, the only thing that truly matters.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 10:12 PM;

  Wednesday, January 22, 2003

My great-grandmother took care of me when I was a baby. Only while my mother had the task of being the second in a dual income home. This great-grandmother worshipped the little ground that I walked on. I think this lends itself to my attitude to this day, I like being worshipped. It's a curse. Thanks Nanny, seriously. She molded me into part of who I am today. In some ways I learned by being just like her and others by adopting the opposite reaction to hers. I'm grateful for both.
I have a picture of her beside my bed. It's how I chose to immortalize/pay homage to her. It's from a trip we took several years ago. We decided to teach Nanny how to shoot a bird and I don't mean with a rifle.....yep the good, old FINGER. It makes me happy to look at it. She had lived a thousand lives, but at the ripe old age of eighty, still maintained that she had no idea what this gesture was and had never used it. Granted, she never drove a day in her life (aside from a tractor and a tiller), so this notion is not entirely unheard of, but I seriously doubt there was any truth to her claim. It over-joyed her to make us think of her as a perfect lady. None of us really bought it, but we played her little game because she was our beloved matriarch.

I feel pangs of guilt as I look back at the last five years of her life. Until I was 18, I took her to the grocery store every Saturday. Every week she would inform me of her worries about my weight..."It's always a harder life for fat people," just as she added a bag of chocolate-chip cookies to our cart for me to take home. And although I knew she meant for those words to be full of love, over the years it just began to annoy me. So, in those last years of her life I rarely paid her the visits that she deserved. My excuse was that I didn't need anyone to remind me about my body, I had a mirror. These days I would give anything to hear her tell me I needed to lose a few pounds. I think about these things frequently lately. Now that I am at a time in my life that I could REALLY benefit from the stories of her past and the past of our family. She taught me so many lessons about life and she didn't even try. She peppered these stories with her own altered memories. Time often makes us remember things a little different than the exact truth, but that was alright too. She was an amazing woman and I miss her more than usual today.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 4:34 AM;

My friend Candy and I have an unhealthy obsession with the Waffle House at 3 in the morning and men we can't have. It's GOOD TIMES! The only reason we can't have said men is because we are both too chicken to say what we want. Who'd have thunk I'm shy at times. Hmmmmm? I tend to be Matchmaker International, but my efforts as of late have been unsuccessful at best. Maybe I've lost my touch. My "Midas Touch of Amore" is long gone and that's GREAT!

Where do I come up with this shit?
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 4:12 AM;

  Tuesday, January 21, 2003

Can I just say? I am ecstatic about the new Harry Potter.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 12:21 AM;

  Monday, January 20, 2003

How 'bout a FUCKIN' cappacino.

I think I'll make one before I bite through a nail. I'm a tad bit irritated at the world today and I don't know why exactly that is. There are choices to be made by some people in my life and they just refuse to make a decision. I really can't complain, as I am one of the most indecisive gals that I know. Compared only to ChristoCarto's indecisiveness. No, I'm not certain if that is, in fact, a word, but I LIKE it. Any-who kids, I'm in a bit of turmoil at this point. Send those happy vibes that I tend to refer to out into the spiritual realm for me. Thank you, thank you so much.

Question of the day:
Does that love at first sight shit really exist??

I have a reason for all these ramblings, just bear with me! I may never tell you those reasons, but at least you know I'm not annoying you in vain.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 6:06 PM;

There was a time in my life when I was a puppet. I know that this is difficult for some to conceive of, but 'tis true. I used to live for others, but now I have become a selfish bitch. That's ok, but it's kind of nice to be someone's leaning post too. I am a walking contradiction. At least I'm fully aware of it. I guess that makes it healthy.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 3:43 PM;

Weekends rock!
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 3:29 PM;

  Saturday, January 18, 2003

I find myself in a strange place these days. There are things that we wait our whole lives for and sometimes they meander into our lives and sometimes they don't. Lots of things find us and they're all fucked up. I'm there right now. But, I'll figure it out. I feel like my life at large is on hiatus, like a shitty sitcom or something.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 12:51 AM;

Sweet Mary had a little surgery today. So, I'm sending good, happy, healthy vibes out into the spiritual realm for my little Gaia.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 12:36 AM;

  Thursday, January 16, 2003

The dreaded holiday is steadily approaching. Yes, Valentine's Day is less than one month away.

Please prepare for impact.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 10:19 PM;

Hello dearies! So, the update on my crazy mother is as follows. She completely unhinged the fury of Carrie on me today and rationalized it by throwing in my face AGAIN that I don't pay bills here. But I prevailed, I totally disarmed her with my brilliance as I pointed out that I was sorry that I raised my voice (which I was), and that her temper tantrum had unfairly made her look like the bad guy. I then astonished her by expressing that she had embarrassed me in front of a friend from out of town and that was just disrespectful considering that we had always had an adult relationship based on mutual respect. It was not my intention to make my mother feel guilty, I just had to express my side before I started to cry and get irrational. God, I'm such a fuckin' girl! Oh well, I guess I'll survive.

Good night and don't let the bed bugs bite, unless that's your thing.

Much Love!
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 2:22 AM;

  Wednesday, January 15, 2003

Today a good friend of mine came up for a visit, it was great to see her. I realize more everyday how much my friends are like my family. I love those guys.
Enough of the sapppppp!!!

I have an admission of guilt. I am a whore for cheesy, teen angst television. For the first time tonight, I was home on a Wednesday night. At seven-ish I turned to my local WB station and sat back to prepare for a good night of Dawson's Creek (Insert laughter here.) I know, I know. That should contain everything that I stand against. Unfortunately, I can't get enough. I have to say that I was severely disappointed that my show was not on tonight, but replaced by basketball. I just thought that I should get that out.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 8:00 PM;

April Love just very nearly sassed you at 7:51 PM;

  Tuesday, January 14, 2003

The audition went quite well, if anyone cares!
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 10:12 PM;

I just had a revelation. I've been thinking a lot about marriage and what my stand on it is at this point. I'm only 24, but as a woman, we are inundated with the idea that we should be married by the time we're thirty or that we've failed in some way. There was a time in my life, just a couple of years ago, when I thought that to have a complete life I had to get married and have a family. I see people who are married and it works for them, but I also see examples of relationships that are just as committed and lasting without the tie of marriage.
I just feel so elated, that I have freed myself of those traditional expectations of our society. I finally got it. I may never need marriage in my life and that's perfectly fine. I would like a committed relationship at some point, but that could be enough. All of my baby-crazy friends think I've lost it. I DO NOT WANT KIDS! And that is OK. I never imagined that my peers would be enraged by this idea. They wonder if I've discovered some new age, wierdo, non-child, conspiratory women's cult. I tell them I'm not even sure that these organizations exist, but they insist that there has to be some sinister force at work to fill my head with all this nonsense. Of course, none of them have actually voiced these concerns as I have here, but I see it in there looks. Their eyes fill with a look of dread and pity saying, "Poor April Love. She fills her head with these crazy thoughts to ease the pain of becoming an old maid at 28. It's so sad."

But I just say that I'm the normal one.....well, almost normal.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 3:18 AM;

I'm not sure what the hell is up with my comments.....but I'm all over it.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 2:54 AM;

The world of retail was quite a bitch on wheels today! Our computers completely SHUT DOWN! It was NOT Good Times.

But, in other news, I stopped by my ex-college to check out auditions for my theater department's Spring show. I was a little sad to not be a part of the show, but I had made a strong stand to not audition. When I entered the building I was bombarded by the people I adore asking me to audition. Not that I'm a great talent or anything, I'm just loads 'o fun. So I was totally duped. I'm going to audition tomorrow night. I think I have lost my mind yet again. This audition requires a solo song, and I am NO singer, but I'm gonna give it a trooper's try. Maybe I won't puke onstage, that would probably be bad.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 2:20 AM;

  Monday, January 13, 2003

I just concluded watching parts of An Evening with Kevin Smith.


He rocks my suburbs.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 1:41 AM;

  Sunday, January 12, 2003


I was supposed to go with my bestest friend (Cristo Carto for those that don't know) to buy a present for his Mom's birthday. I OVERSLEPT. That is such a lame ass excuse too. It would be better if I could honestly say that I was rescuing children from a burning orphanage and then found homes for all the little tykes, hence missing the shopping trip that would have no doubt been loads of fun. But, of course, all I got is "I overslept, and I am exceedingly remorseful dear Cristo!"

Do you think that'll work??
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 3:03 PM;

So, this is Cyberia. I am overjoyed to be here, but I have a feeling I may have gone completely mad. I have, of my own volition, decided to share my psychotic ramblings with the public at large. Whom, may I add, are complete strangers to me for the most part.
Good Times!

Tonight, I found myself at the local Waffle House. When I entered said establishment, I noticed a rogue group of young crackhead type peoples. I found myself staring at them in an odd fashion. When suddenly I had a horrible epiphany
I was once one of those annoying little fucks that I am silently poking fun at!
It was disheartening, but altogether a happy moment. Thank the powers that be for making me grow up (a little anyway).

FYI, I am a college drop-out...AGAIN. Though it was a financial decision this time and was not at all based on the notion that weekends do not provide enough party time. So, all in all, I'm not a complete loser this time. There are decisions that must be made whether we enjoy them or not, but I still have to say........The man can go to hell!

Good night dear Cyberia, and Rock ON!
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 2:59 AM;

  Saturday, January 11, 2003

Welcome to the wacky world of Cyberia, precious April!

Sock it to 'em, kid.
Jett Superior just very nearly sassed you at 11:29 PM;

testes, motherfucker!
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 5:09 PM;

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