Have words, will babble.

Saturday, March 29, 2003

I think I must have lied without realizing. Anybody that knows me, knows that this is a load of hoo-ha.

You have indigo hair. You are thoughtful, deep, and
sometimes solemn. You are a very centered and
serious person, always looking for an answer.

What is your inner anime hair color?
brought to you by Quizilla
Interesting huh? I am anything but solemn and centered...maybe I'm solemn and centered today, so the quiz was, in fact, accurate. hmmmmm.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 12:45 PM;

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

Ok Cyberia...Here is a first. I am opening a door that I may hope to slam after it is done. Here is an excerpt from the book I've been writing. It's only for my own therapy, but I chose to let you people in, so here goes.
Here I am, in New York City. Somehow I have found myself in a one room apartment located in the heart of the city that never sleeps. New York is like a heartbeat. It pulses through my veins like blood. It pumps through my heart. It's a passion and it keeps me alive. As I look down the spiderweb of streets, I become painfully aware that I have never truly let air flow through my lungs. For the first time, I am whole and fully breathing. I am finally home.
There it is. Don't be too brutal.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 2:44 AM;

Rehearsals for Joseph are getting hard core. Our tyrant director is not the warmest lady I've ever met. She loves to say "Fuck" in front of the five year olds in the show. That's fun.
In other news, I'm gettin' all tan and hot for the impending summer. This is the last summer all of my homies and I will be together. Everyone is heading their respective ways and I wish them all well. The thing is, that these people saved my life. I found myself home one summer after two years away. I was broken-hearted and alone. I hadn't drawn or painted anything in years, and I hadn't acted in even longer. After a hazy couple of years of bad decision making on my part, I landed myself in a theatre appreciation class with one the most inspiring men I will ever meet as my teacher. Somewhere along the way that semester, I realized how very much I had missed being on stage. I did my first return show the next semester. Through theater, I met all of these phenomenal people. They are my heart. We are like a family and I don't know how I would survive without them. They came into my life at a time when it was difficult to just wake up in the morning, especially one (You know who you are ;) ).
When I'm on stage, it's the only time that I feel completely at home. All the things that drag me down all day suddenly stop to matter. It's the most beautiful thing I have experienced. It's almost like falling in love for the first time. When you stand in the wings, you feel all nervous and naucious, there are butterflies in your stomach like when you spot that person from across the room. When you step onto the stage, you feel like you will actually vomit, but it's a great feeling at the same time, kinda like talking to that person. Then you get comfortable and everything feels perfect, but you're aware of every little mistake that no one else sees. Then when you step off of the stage and it's over, it feels like you've left a piece of yourself and your heart on that stage.
I can't imagine being happy anywhere else, or doing anything else.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 2:20 AM;

Monday, March 24, 2003

When you are Hopelessly Drunk^tm and leave your big-ole glass of ice water across the room, that is a Very Bad Thing^tm.
Jett Superior just very nearly sassed you at 1:04 AM;

Sunday, March 23, 2003

Boy howdy, I'm drunk (or, as we would say here in The Glorious South^tm, "DRAWNK").
Pardon the interruption, Miss April Love, I may very well be out of line posting this here on your blog, but a girl's gotta vent, now....
Jett Superior just very nearly sassed you at 11:46 PM;

Friday, March 21, 2003

The Land of Retail--in one scene by April Love
There was an incident.
Yesterday, as I was catering to the preteen jewelry needs of the South, I met Satan. My manager and I had taken on the task of spiffing up our store for a powers that be visit. We were rockin' the suburbs. As it neared time to close up shop, at five minutes till close, a woman (Satan) and a child (Spawn of Satan) entered my little retail haven. Now, I can handle a lagging customer after hours, no biggie, but the bitch sassed me. She SOOO did. First she said, in the bitchiest fashion imaginable, "Where are the baskets?" Normally I would have rushed over and fetched one for her, but Nay Nay! I said, "They are next to the door." So, as I get more and more agitated, she shops slower and slower. The final straw....She slings her baskets of shit on the back of the counter where I am preparing my deposit. Keep in mind that the front counter, where this shit obviously goes, is vacant. Here comes the final straw....."Could you clear out a space for me to count." Of course that doesn't sound so bad, but the tone of voice. It was rude, and oozing with "you are my subservient retail piece of shit." I was not happy and then as I unlocked the door at a half hour past closing, she stood in my store talking on her DAMN cell phone. Why do I love retail??
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 12:49 PM;

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

The boy that I almost married crossed my mind today. It became painfully obvious that I was never in love with him. I loved him, a part of me always will love him. I realized that I loved him because he loved me. Towards the end, I loved him because I thought that I would never find anyone to love me again. It's a sad revelation, but I'm glad that I finally understand it all. I have wondered so many times why I stuck it out for so long and now I know. I still to this day fear that I won't find anyone else, but if I don't that's ok too.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 1:31 AM;

Saturday, March 15, 2003

I once fell in love with a man that was emotionally unavailable. He was everything I had ever hoped or prayed to find. I loved him simply and completely, the way that you should love another. I am quite certain that he loved me as well, but our respective issues left our relationship (or lack there of) in ruins.
I had an epiphany as I showered the other day. I think that although we maintain that we want to be happy, we really don't. By we, I am referring to the huddled masses, everybody. Every time that I think I've found that infathomable happiness, something shitty happens and I realize it was just a mirage in the desert of heartache. I wonder if we settle for less than we want, to avoid the inevitable fall.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 10:05 PM;

Monday, March 10, 2003

My mother assures me that I am becoming my grandmother, Mema to be exact. She thinks that this observation will "whip me into shape," but in reality I'm quite honored to be compared to Mema. My grandmother is the second funniest person I've ever met. She says what she wants to say and doesn't give a shit what people think of that. I love that about her. I actually wish I were more like her in that respect. She is beautiful and never saw a trace of gray hair in her head until she was sixty-five. I remember as a child, looking at my grandmother and praying an earnest prayer to the heavens. I begged the powers that be to please, please let me grow old as gracefully as Mema. She claims to hate men, it's one of the funniest things I've ever heard. She used to go on occasional "dates" with a man we all loved. I would tease her and call him "paw-paw". That really got her going. To say the least, that pseudo-relationship didn't last long. I still call him paw-paw if I see him, and she acts like it pisses her off, but I see her smirk. Once, she met one of my male friends and said to me, "I wouldn't give a one of 'em the time of day, but if you have to have one around, I guess he's alright." God, she kills me. She has successfully given all my cousin's and my boyfriends ulcers. My grandmother doesn't take shit from people. She is her own person and if I'm like her....I might make it after all.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 1:09 AM;

Thursday, March 06, 2003

Upon my birth, my father had a mild crisis. He was wounded by disappointment. All the infant sports equipment and blue onesies must be returned to their respective retail homes and exchanged for the dreaded pink, that heralds...."It's a GIRL! Fucker." These were dark days for my father. He wanted a boy so badly, but learned to accept the bundle of joy that was me. I was all girl. There would be no rough housing in the yard or tag football with the cousins. Oh no, I would not be getting dirty on purpose until years later when it was fun to get dirty with boys. At which point, said activities wouldn't exactly thrill dear ole dad. My parents were very diligent in their attempts to make me into a well rounded child. They encouraged sports, which is like air in the south. Softball was my first foray into the world of "making Daddy happy". I was and never have been athletically inclined. At the ripe old age of six, I played my first competitive softball game. It went a little something like this......I hit the ball for the first time and made it to second base (Rock on!). The next batteress hit the ball and I headed from second to third base. As I made my way to the base, the ball rolled in front of me. I noticed that Miss Shortstop would never reach the ball, but she was givin' it a trooper's try. So, in sweet, innocent, girly-girl fashion, I reached down, picked up the ball and handed it to Miss Shortstop. I was, obviously, called out. My little six year old heart was broken. What a lesson to learn........ Always, always be a bitch; NEVER trust a girl; and you don't have to please your parents with activities you down right loathe.
Good Times!
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 2:50 AM;

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Two of my nearest and dearest are tying the knot...Wow! The bride and I went in search of dresses. It was an experience. We spoke in code about the impending birth of the baby. It was pretty hilarious. It's so strange to see these two planning a wedding. They are perfect for each other, and I kinda helped hook them up. I love these guys. Even before they admitted that they loved each other, I could see it in their eyes when they looked at each other. I can't imagine looking into someone's eyes and knowing immediately and without question how much they adore me. That's some crazy shit. Every emotion that I have shows on my face and it'll probably get me in trouble at some point. I'm certain that it will.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 5:05 PM;

Sunday, March 02, 2003

I have maybe ten journals stashed about my room. They are in various places and are whipped out based on my mood and the nature of the entry at hand. It would be catastrophic if one of these books fell into the wrong hands. I use my powers for good, but in the wrong hands..... You see my dilemma. I write down things that should never be committed to paper. I should take these things to the grave. Not that they're bad things, I don't have plots for world domination or anything. They're just raw and emotional, and I wish that I could share them here, but I now refer back to the catastrophy afore mentioned. My best friend in the world says that his deathbed request will be to hear all the shit that I've written about him in my mysterious journals. I thought that was hysterical. There was also talk of this reading pulling him out of the coma and a musical/dance number commencing. Good Times! If only life were musical theater. Lots of drama for two hours, constantly entertaining, with everything resolved at the end.
I have so many questions right now. I know that the answers are right in front of my face, I just have to take a closer look. I wish I could see them more clearly. I don't think I'll enjoy the answers when I am able to see them.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 1:44 AM;