Have words, will babble.

Thursday, May 29, 2003

There is a person in my life that means more to me than anyone I have ever come in contact with. I tell him often that he means a lot to me, but I don't think that he realizes just how important he is in my life. He is the most talented and incredible person I have ever met. The funny thing is that he is so modest. I can't tell him enough how great he is, because he doesn't buy it. I feel privileged to just be an innocent bystander in his life. I am really lucky to have so many great people in my life, especially him. It's a good day.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 2:02 AM;

I very rarely get attached to animals. The reason is a bit complicated, so I will dispence upon you the abridged version. I am an extremely emotional person and I realize that animals often die, so to not have nervous breakdowns every day I distance myself from my pets. I get enough shit from humans. My friend Leslie Makinababy has a little dog. She is the cutest thing you've ever seen. She actually hugs you. I hated this dog for months and then her sweet temper won me over. I love that dog. She was our child. Leslie was Mom, I was step-mom, and our dear ChristoCarto was the Daddy. It sounds sick and twisted, but it was really quite stable. Yesterday some evil bastard purposely ran over our baby in front of a yard full of children. I hope the asshole burns in hell. No more pets for me.
Rest in Peace, Peepers.....We Love You.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 1:30 AM;

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

This evening I witnessed a tragedy worthy of the Bard himself. At my local pre-teen accessory haven, where I am notsogainfully employed, in walk a couple. Cute guy, approximately eighteen. Cute girl, obviously younger. They meander around my little corner of retail looking passively at this and that. When suddenly, cute girl picks up an adolescent Spongebob Squarepants stationary set and coos to cute boy, "I'll get you this, so that you can write and tell me everything about college." Cute boy replied, "Baby," in the sweetest voice that I had ever heard. The tragedy is that,even I, non-cynical of emotion as I am, heard the level of dishonesty in cute boy's tone of voice. The sugar was so fake that I wanted to scream "SWEET & LOW BASTARD!" He may as well have said, "Baby, I'll leave out the part aboout college that details keggers and one night stands. I love you." Cute girl totally bought it. She was hosed. I have to forgive her on the grounds that she is sixteen and in love with a dipshit.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 11:32 PM;

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

As a child, I didn't really watch cartoons. It's strange, I know. Last night I watched Secret of N.I.M.H., and it was good stuff. My pals ChristoCarto, Miss Candy and Leslie Makinababy were onhand for the event, and it was good times.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 1:20 PM;

Saturday, May 10, 2003

The hardest thing I've ever had to do is say the things that are difficult to voice. The funny thing is that I didn't really say them, I kind of tip-toed around them and let the words be interpretted as the receiver found fit, I don't know if it was an accurate reading or not. I pour emotion out to a scrap of paper, but when the flesh and blood inspiration for everything good that is in me is in my presence, I can't say the things that sit on the "tip of my tongue."
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 1:39 AM;

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

I was browsing through my library of music today and I came across an old favorite. Not really old, but I hadn't thought about it in a while. My dear Johnny Lang. That boy tears my crack out! The emotion in his voice just racks me. Here's a snippit....
I know you lost your faith in me, but I still believe. Can I make you understand? Can I make you see? I am desperate for your love and it's breakin' me.
My crack is on the floor. I'm just sayin'.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 2:52 AM;

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

My aunt has a vintage 1978 Mercedes Roadster convertible. It's a fabulous, subdued shade of yellow. For as long as I can remember, I admired that car from afar. It was made the same year that I was and that just made it even more special. When I turned 16, I got to drive it. I'll never forget the feel of sliding into that worn leather seat. I felt like a princess on her throan. I still remember the feeling of the wind in my hair and how at that moment I felt free. Driving that car down a highway that ran along the shoreline of Myrtle Beach. I wish that I could run away today and let the top down and drive. This time I would turn the radio up and blast A Lifetime or This Time of Year by Better Than Ezra, but if I found myself in some torrid love affair I would choose the Indigo Girls cover of Joan Armatrading's The Weakness in Me. It would be a good day. I fear that I would look back just in time to still remember why it was that I left and turn that car around and stomp the gas and run back to it. The thing I want to escape is the one thing that I crave and desire. The hunger is overwhelming.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 2:22 AM;

Monday, May 05, 2003

I find that relationships, romantic ones at least, go through a cycle. It's much like the explosion of a star. There is the initial bright blast that is pretty and twinkly. That's the time when everything is new and there seems to be no end to the happiness. You are certain that it will be this way forever and sometimes it is. More times than not though, there comes the final explosion, the beginning of the demise. The middle of the road. Some days are passionate and good, others are just bad, albeit still filled with passion, just not the good kind. Then, there's the end.....the inevitable end. A star shines in the sky for years after it dissapates, that's a lot like the residue of a failed relationship. It burns us and shines in our skies for years and sometimes forever. It takes a strong person to not hold onto the hurts and the betrayals that come in this life. I hope that I turn out to be that strong. Sometimes I feel like I dwell on bad things and subconciously crave it. I'm noticing all of my fatal flaws these days, but I'm trying diligently to remove some of them from my routine. It's a little disheartening to realize that I'm this extremely selfish person, and that I never realized it sooner. I love the people in my life so much, and I've been listening to myself talk as of late and I wonder why they stick around. But, Thanks, because they do. There's hope for me yet.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 2:18 AM;

My family and I finally got ourselves moved. It takes time to get yourself out to the Land of Rednecks. It's not quite as horrible as I had anticipated.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 2:03 AM;

Saturday, May 03, 2003

Have you ever had a lapse in judgement that is so huge that you wonder if you should be allowed to continue to move about the world un-monitored? I had one of those last night. It was all in ~~good~~ bad fun, until I realized the repurcussions (sp.?) of said actions. Although there was the inevitable drama today, I find that some things have been brought to light that have made my burden much lighter, for now anyway. There are things that are still as clear as a rich, frothy pint of ale, but there is at least progress. It's tough when you find yourself even more confused than before. That's where I am now, but the path will light itself soon. Maybe one fine day here in my little corner of Cyberia, I'll be able to share all the gory details with you, my noble readership.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 5:14 PM;