Sunday, February 22, 2004
You know how your mom always said that if you sleep with a guy on the first date, he'll never respect you. She was quite right. That cardinal rule was put into place for good reason. Ya'd think I might learn. Alas, no. It just sucks because I realize the motivation for my stupid moves and still there's nothing I can do. I am frantically searching for diversions...just a fuckin' distraction from the obvious. Nothing works, nothing removes him from my psyche. I say it all the time, but I have to work through this before my whole world flings into upheaval.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 5:53 PM;
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
He said I will never be what you need. To which I replied...... Nothing. There is nothing left to say to that. I wanted to scream, to cry, sob and weep. To scream ALL I NEED IS FOR YOU TO LOVE ME! At that moment I figured that was too much to ask. Now, I realize that it's quite a small request. Love is never too much to ask for. It's what everyone deserves. I have come to this just as I realize that even I am worth more than this. I think about what if someone I cared about loved me as much as I loved him, and I find it hard to imagine not returning that love whole heartedly and with no looking back. Then I ponder the what if I couldn't scenario. I don't like that scenario so much. There's no anger, no regret, no sadness...well, a little sadness, but I finally understand. I finally get it. Honesty. He was honest. I appreciate that, I do. Although appreciation doesn't ease the ache. A broken heart doesn't mend easily, but they do mend. It will mend. I'm good.
April Love just very nearly sassed you at 1:12 AM;
